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(1) In many plays, the minor characters['] only purpose is to establish a main aspect of a major character. A "foil" is a minor character in literary work who by the similarities and differences in what he or she does (as compared to a more important character). [Frag - 1] It is to help the audience and reader get a better understanding of the more important character. In the play Hamlet , [sic] foils are used to establish a major point that would be hidden if they were not used. There are many foils[,] but Hamlet/Laertes and Hamlet/King Hamlet will be the only ones explored in this essay. [Very weak thesis -- What point is this essay going to try to make about them?]
(2) King Hamlet and Hamlet, father and son, not only share the same last name, but also have many other similar characteristics. Both men share the belief that King Hamlet was hurt so terribly by Cladius that it ruined and ended his life in the living world. [This suggests that he had a life in some other world. As I think about it, I guess he did -- in the world of ghosts. But then, do ghosts have a "life?" As I think about these things, my eyes have kept reading, and now I am lost. Had the writer gone on to explain, I couldn't complain, but the writer dropped the topic.] The cause of both of their deaths was due to poisoning, by this horrid man. These two loving men are very well liked by everyone around them. The similarities of the King and his heir to the throne puts [SV Agr - 1] into perspective the fact that Cladius is a horrible man who both of them were terribly wronged by. ["Perspective" needs more explanation -- what perspective? Or do you simply mean "emphasizes"?]
(3) Not only do these two have very similar characteristics, but they are very different in many ways to. [H 50] King Hamlet was a very serious man who always went through with deeds that needed to be done. [Examples?] On the other hand[,] Hamlet is a very indecisive man. This is proved by the fact that he was very hesitant to fallow [sic; H 50] through with his father's request to avenge his death. If the situation was switched around[,] and Hamlet asked his father to avenge his death, he would fallow [sic] through with no questions asked. [Evidence?] As shown during the play within the play, Hamlet is a very humorous and almost cocky man. The whole play scene was a joke to him, but his father is always a very serious man. [This contrast (humorous/serious) is very interesting, but you should have followed it up with evidence from the play. If it does indeed exist in the play, it would help explain why Hamlet takes so long to follow his father's directions, but first you need to show that it does indeed exist in the play.] The differences of these two definitely prove that Hamlet is not nearly the man that his father was.
(4) Laertes and Hamlet are very similar in many ways. These two men are both about the same age and both have a love for the game of fencing. They are both athletic men to a certain extent, who will never except [accept] loosing [losing] at anything. The similarities of these men truly make the reader and audience believe that both of them could walk in each others shoes. [B.S. If that is true, then you should be able to give a LOT more similarities.] The only thing that makes these men who they are is that one was born heir to King Hamlet's throne and the other was not. [You have just said that your next paragraph is worthless -- be careful with the word "only."] These similar qualities show why it is so hard for Hamlet to avenge his father's death, because he is very hesitant and lacks the confidence needed to do such an act. [Doesn't this contradict your previous sentence?]
(5) Although they are very similar, there definitely is some differences to. [SV Agr -1; H-50] Ophelia received love from both of these men. Laertes loved her as a sister and Hamlet loved her in a more romantic way. When Ophelia dies the reaction of Laertes and Hamlet differs completely. Laertes is very angry and is almost ready to avenge his sister's death. Hamlet on the other hand is very sorrowful[,] and since he knows that it is so hard for him to avenge his father's death, he could not even think about being angry with Ophelia's death. [???] The differences between these two men show Hamlet that the best thing to do when dealing with death is to just let things happen and deal with the consequences. [This needs a lot more explanation.]
(6) The importance of a foil as shown is to help the audience and reader interpret a major point. Hamlet and King Hamlet are very similar but are very different to. [H-50] The similarities of these two men helps to show the audience how much of a sinister and evil man Cladius is. [SV Agr -1; Aren't the differences between a foil and the person foiled supposed to show the reader something about the person being foiled? How did Claudius get in here?] Showing the differences helps to justify as to [delete "as to"] why it is such a hard feat for Hamlet to avenge his father's death. The reason being, that Hamlet is simply to [H-50] much of an indecisive caring man who can hardly make himself do harm to anyone else. [To support this, you would need to show that Hamlet's father was -- or was not -- not a caring person and did do harm to someone else.] Laertes and Hamlet are almost identical men, other than a few characteristics. These two men show love towards Ophelia but in totally different ways. Laertes is very angry with his sister's death[,] but on the other hand Hamlet is just very sorrowful and knows that there is nothing that he can do know. [H-50; I don't understand -- what can Laertes do now?] This justifies as to ["explains"?] why it was so hard for Hamlet to avenge his father's death. The comparing and contrasting of Laertes and King Hamlet vs. Hamlet, [Delete the comma.] is very important in better understanding the character of Hamlet. Without the use of foils in Hamlet, the play would not nearly be the masterpiece that it is accepted as today.
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I. Intro [Thesis: There are many foils in Hamlet but Hamlet/King Hamlet
and Hamlet/Laertes will be the only ones explored in this essay.]
B. Definition C. Foils discussed
2. Hamlet and Laertes |
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II. King Hamlet/Hamlet
2. Both shared belief that King Hamlet was terribly wronged by Claudius 3. Claudius plays a major role in the poisioning of both men [nice point] 4. Both are liked by people all around them. |
(3) | III. King Hamlet/Hamlet
2. Hamlet is very humorous and cocky but the King is always serious. 3. Laertes wants immediate revenge; Hamlet waits for his revenge. |
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IV. Laertes/Hamlet
2. like to fence |
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V. Laertes/Hamlet
2. Laertes is very angry with Ophelia's death but Hamlet is more sorrowful. |
(6) | VI. Conclusion
B. Briefly go over body of essay again |
Possible
Points |
Student's
Grading |
Instructor's
Grading |
Description | Totals |
Audience (20) |
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0 - 5 | 4 | 4 | The essay has a good introductory paragraph. | |
0 - 5 | 4 | 1 | The essay includes a brief definition (not in the introduction) of foils, such that a student who had not previously heard the term would understand both the concept and this essay. | |
0 - 5 | 4 | 5 | The essay does not simply retell the play. | |
0 - 5 |
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The essay has a good concluding paragraph. | |
Thesis (20) | 13 / 13 | |||
0 - 4 | 2 | 4 | The thesis is recognizable, somewhere near the beginning of the essay. | |
0 - 4 |
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The thesis and essay reflect good, independent thought about Hamlet. | |
0 - 4 | 3 | 2 | The thesis and essay reflect at least an average understanding of foils. | |
0 - 4 | 3 | 4 | The essay reflects at least an average understanding of foils in Hamlet. | |
0 - 4 | 3 | 1 | The essay reflects an above average understanding of foils in Hamlet. | |
Organization (20) |
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0 - 4 |
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Topic sentences relate paragraphs to the thesis. | |
0 - 4 |
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Paragraphs are generally eight to ten sentences long. | |
0 - 4 |
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Major and minor points in the outline are logically arranged. | |
0 - 4 |
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The essay is accompanied by a typed formal outline with subdivisions to the level of capital letters, i.e., II B. The paragraphs in the essay have been numbered and the numbers of the paragraphs have been placed in parentheses next to the corresponding part of the outline. | |
0 - 4 |
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Paragraphs reflect subdivisions of major points. (For example, more than one paragraph is devoted to a single foil.) |
Possible
Points |
Student's
Grading |
Instructor's
Grading |
Description | Totals |
Details (20) (Please fill
in the blanks.)
[Note: This rubric assumes that you will discuss at least two foils and be graded on the two you choose. You may discuss only one foil and use the same grades for both sections of this form.] |
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0 - 3 |
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An explanation of similarities establsihes __King H____ as a foil to ______Hamlet__________. | |
0 - 3 |
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The differences between foil #1 (above) and __Hamlet____ and their significance to the play are explained in detail. | |
0 - 3 |
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The function of foil # 1 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail. | |
0 - 1 |
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The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail. | |
0 - 3 |
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An explanation of similarities establsihes ___Laertes___ as a foil to ____Hamlet_. | |
0 - 3 |
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The differences between foil #2 (above) and __Hamlet___ and their significance to the play are explained in detail. | |
0 - 3 |
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The function of foil # 2 as a listener on stage (and its significance to the play) is explained in detail. | |
0 - 1 |
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The relevance of foil # 1 to the thesis is explained in detail. |
Possible
Points |
Student's
Grading |
Instructor's
Grading |
Description | Totals |
Style (20) |
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0 - 3 | 3 | 2 | Words are used correctly and accurately. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 1 | There are no (few) errors in usage. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 2 | Pronouns are used correctly. | |
0 - 2 | 1 | 2 | Verb forms and tenses are used correctly. | |
0 - 3 | 2 | 2 | All sentences are comprehensible. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 2 | Sentence structure is mature and varied. | |
0 - 3 |
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There are no (few) sloppy errors. | |
0 - 3 |
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Punctuation marks are used correctly. | |
Minus Style Penalty Points (May be regained by correcting errors) |
-3
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Basic Grade for the Essay (100) | 77 / 66 | |||
Penalty Points: - __________ Late -___________ Other | - | |||
Bonus points (6 possible) | ||||
0 - 2 |
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Brainstorming | |
0 - 2 |
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Outlining | ||
0 - 2 |
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Revision | ||
Final Grade for the Essay | 77 / 66 | |||
Hostage Fifty:
50 - follow 20 - know / now |
Student's Comments: (You can also use the back of either
page.)
NOTE: Revising = RV. Remember: use only one code per entry. (See Instructions.)
[Is it a question of can't read, or don't care?
See comments below.]
I used a word-processor _____while drafting ___x__ while revising __x___
to type my paper.
Date: | Code | Started | Stopped | Minutes | Comments |
4-12 | B | 8:00 | 8:30 | 30 | |
4-13 | RR | 7:00 | 7:50 | 50 | |
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[Grrrr] |
4-16 | D | 6:45 | 7:30 | 45 | |
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[Grrrr] |
4-21 | T | 8:00 | 9:00 | 60 |
Process | Minutes | % of Total |
Brainstorming |
30
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9
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Read/Research |
50
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14
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Outlining |
45
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13
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Tutoring Center |
0
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0
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Drafting |
90
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26
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Revising |
40
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11
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Editing |
35
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10
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Grading |
0
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0
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Typing |
60
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17
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Total |
350
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= 5.8 hours |