1)      Matrimony does not always mean a life filled with bliss. James Thurber ‘s Walter Mitty in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty [Titles] is married. His marriage imprisons his life until his only escape is his dreams. Mrs. Mallard in The Story of an Hour, [Titles] like Mitty, is married. She too finds her marriage an imprisoning state. Both persons have a life sentence “till death do us part”. To them, marriage is a lifetime. Kate Chopin’s theme in this story is marriage may be a prison sentence to some. [Nice statement of theme.]

2)      Chopin’s use of symbolism is found first in the characterization of Louise. Her face, young, fair, calm with lines bespeaking of repression tells us marriage is her prison. Like in many unhappy marriages, she suffers silently. [Use quotations from the story to prove your point. There is a lot more that could be said about the characterization of Louise.]

[The topic sentence of the preceding paragraph is characteristic of the main problem with this essay. Is the paragraph about characterization, or about symbolism? (The outline claims "characterization, but the subject of the sentence is "use of symbolism.) Perhaps because of the double focus (in paragraph five it is triple), neither idea is sufficiently developed.]

3)      Her pining for freedom like a child who has cried itself to sleep and continues to sob in one’s sleep is symbolic of how many [people] battle with the internal conflict of freedom versus staying married. [ Symbolism? Or Conflict?] Her going to her room alone and allowing no one to follow represents the isolation felt by all who struggle with this personal battle. Another powerful will bending her will with blind persistence is the marriage in which each person is going in a different direction. [A marriage is not a "will."] Be it kind intention or cruel, it is still felt a crime to her. This represents the marriages that look perfect when viewed from the outside but are causing intense pain and suffering to one partner on the inside. She had loved him sometimes – often, she had not, [Quotation marks?] a symbol representing the many marriages that go on without fulfillment. Marriage as a life sentence without parole for many is symbolized in her thoughts that just yesterday she felt life would be long.

4)      Being free “out of this marriage” is symbolized by Chopin’s rising “new spring” and “summer”. Persons can begin again. One can take new paths and establish new goals based on his/her desires. Another symbolic phrase Chopin uses, “prayed life would be long”, [Why is this symbolic, i.e., what does it symbolize?] tells how much living one can find to do when one is free.  [This paragraph is too short and should be combined with the preceding one.]

5)      Chopin narrates the story and weaves symbols in the setting as well. [Point-of-view, symbols, and setting -- a triple focus?] The room is the marriage. [Isn't the house the marriage?] It holds a comfortable roomy armchair equating how many find their own comfort within a marriage. The exhaustion Louise feels as she sinks in the chair is to many the only emotion felt in marriage. I too have been in a marriage void of joy, lacking in fulfillment, a marriage that sucked the strength from my body through the use of physical abuse I received and left my soul exhausted to “sink into a chair” or any area of comfort I could find. Like Mrs. Mallard, I’ve sat in this room (marriage) looking out of a window, the symbol of freedom. The view we’ve both seen is our desires to be out of this (marriage). A spring day “a new beginning” a breath of rain, a “clean start”. [Frrag - 1]

6)      Another symbol in the setting, the stairs, represent one's walk to freedom. To descend, like Louise, in feverish triumph like a goddess of victory and drink an elixir of joy is to find freedom acceptable to society. [What makes you think she drinks an elixir of joy?]  This victory is won when ones partner dies. The front door again is symbolic of the prison (the marriage). The “latchkey” - her husband, is what keeps the cell locked. [Nice point] Without the other partner there is no lock on the prison door, and no prison.

7)      Marriage happens between two persons. It may incarcerate one partner to honor and obey another against one's will. Like myself and others, Louise’s marriage surrounded her with invisible bars causing her to stay unhappy and alone. These are marriages that are prisons to one of the persons there.

[Although there is nothing wrong with relating a work to one's personal experiences, sometimes making that relationship can cause problems, especially if the connection is an emotional one. The most frequent problem for students, illustrated here, is that the personal experience draws too much of the writer's focus away from the story. There is a lot more that could be said about Louise. Why is she unhappy in her marriage? Is there any indication that she was physically abused? If she was emotionally abused, how? Is the central conflict in this story between Louise and her husband? Or is it entirely within Louise? Unlike many of the other essays in this set, this one clearly catches the main idea of this story, but the topic sentences are too confusing and the three concepts could all be discussed in more detail.]

Student's Comments: (You can also use the back of either page.)

NOTE: Revising = RV. Remember: use only one code per entry. (See Instructions.)

I used a word-processor _____while drafting _____ while revising _____ to type my paper.