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Dr. Vavra's Course Menu | Main ENL 121 Menu | Current MP #1 Assignment |
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1. Every one of us strives
to be better, accomplish more, and do it faster. Some
of us may be occasionally disappointed, but it is whether
or not we choose to try again that determines our success. John Steinbeck
gives us one example of this in “Chrysanthemums”. [."]
The theme of this story is that although most people are eager to do more
and try different things with their life, not everyone will succeed with
this attempt. [This is not a very fruitful thesis
-- the story deals primarily with a problem of just women, not "most people."]
2. To characterize Elisa’s lifestyle, one would conclude that she wants more out of her life than what she has now. For example, she wants more responsibility and wishes to help with the orchard, and she tries to prove this to her husband by saying, “Maybe I could do it, too”. She also finds the peddler’s traveling lifestyle appealing. She states this by saying more than once, “That would be a nice way to live”.
3. Elisa also wants
more love than what she has now. The first example of her need for
more love is her sexual advances [hmmm] toward
the peddler. Elisa is explaining the night sky, but she is also being
very sexual by stating:
“I’ve never lived as you do, but I know what you mean.
When the night is dark-why, the stars are sharp-pointed, and there’s quiet.
Why, you rise up and up! Every pointed star gets driven into your
body. It’s like that. Hot and sharp and–lovely.”
[The preceding quotation should be analyzed in more detail. It is certainly interesting, but why, if she is, is she being so sexual in her comments to an old peddlar?] |
4. A second example of her need for love is she near nagging her husband for a polite compliment. She does this by asking several times, “What do you mean by ‘nice’?” [Develop this paragraph or drop it. It is too short, and it opens a topic which you do not develop -- the relationship between her and her husband.]
5. An example of a relevant conflict in this story is the appearance vs. reality conflict. [Weak topic sentence] Elisa has the appearance of being too weak and womanly to do worthwhile work. [Doesn't the ending of the story suggest that it is the reality, not just the appearance?] For example, although Elisa sounds enthusiastic at the opportunity of helping in the orchard, her husband doesn’t take her ability in doing so seriously. [Nice point] The peddler also assumes that because of her appearance [sex?] she would be unable to sharpen scissors or fix pots because of the “lonely life”. In reality she is very eager to do any work. The chrysanthemums are evidently not enough for her anymore, this is known because it was said, “The chrysanthemum stems seemed too small and easy for her energy”. [CS -1] She also wants very much to work in the orchard and attempts to prove this to her husband by saying, “Maybe I could do it, too”. Elisa is also anxious to prove her abilities to the peddler by telling him; “You might be surprised to have a rival some time”. [Does the preceding paragraph support a conflict between appearance / reality, or between male and female?]
6. A second type of conflict apparent in the story is the conflict of male vs. female. [The primary conflict in the story is between male and female.] Every male character in this story treats Elisa as a child, nearly incompetent of doing what they do, or have done. [Nice] This may be the reasoning behind Elisa’s urge to prove that she can be authoritative also. There is competition between Elisa and the peddler about the right life for a woman. The peddler believes that a woman couldn’t handle the lonely, scary life that he has. He confirms this by adding, “It ain’t the right kind of life for a woman.” [Nice point, but this conflict could be developed in a LOT more detail.]
7. There is also conflict between Elisa and her husband. Although Elisa never argues with her husband, she feels internal conflict against him, while he is unaware of these conflicts. Elisa’s husband appears to have the most responsibility in running the farm and also in their relationship. He complains if she changes her demeanor or her manners. [You need to cite from the text here. It seems to me that he likes her better when she has changed, and is somewhat disappointed at her reversal.] He also takes the position of planning the night out for them. This night out is to celebrate what he has accomplished throughout his day. This criticizes Elisa and makes her feel less worthy compared to her husband. [What, in the story, suggests this?] He also makes the assumption that Elisa couldn’t handle watching a fighting match. [And he is right. I think you overemphasize the conflict between Henry and Elisa. Isn't the primary conflict within Elisa -- in her sense of being excluded from a "man's" world?]
8. Symbols are used in this story
to show that Elisa’s lifestyle is not enough for her anymore, and when
she finally opens herself up for change, she was let down. The
first example of a symbol used is the chrysanthemums representing
[represent] Elisa’s life. [Nice, but they
also represent her unappreciated "work," not to mention all their sexual
connotations in this story.] Chrysanthemums are unchanging, the
same year-round, and as mentioned earlier, the chrysanthemums aren’t enough
for Elisa anymore. The fence around the chrysanthemums symbolizes
Elisa’s heart. [Also her jail?] The
fence is always protecting, and is rarely opened. The husband is
always outside the fence, but the peddler is invited inside the fence.
[Why is he invited inside?] This shows that Elisa has finally been
able to make something new come into her life. The shoots inside
the bright pot that are given to the peddler represent the new Elisa. [Nice]
These shoots were a part of her garden (her heart). This is her only
attempt [within the story] to take charge
and make a change for herself. The shoots mean a new beginning and
are symbolic of finally moving on. The destroyed shoots found on
the road symbolize disappointment and show that Elisa’s lifestyle will
not change. Elisa cannot accept this disappointment, and therefore
fails at changing. She affirms this by saying, “It will be enough
if we can have wine”.
9. Elisa doesn’t want to be persuaded or urged to
be the same as she has been. She wants to have more control in her
life, and she states this by merely hinting
at things she would like to do, for example the orchard, the peddlers lifestyle,
and a romance. [romance?] When she finally
does open her heart to an unknown peddler, she is badly disappointed.
This disappointment is so hurtful to Elisa, she will never [?
-- don't overstate the point] attempt to allow a new experience
in her life again, but instead will continue with the regular routine of
her life. Therefore, although Elisa did attempt a new experience,
she still fails at making a long-term change to her life.
[This essay makes numerous excellent
observations about the story, but they have not been worked into an organized,
directed analysis. The paper suggests that all the conflicts, symbols,
etc. are of equal importance, but the story suggests that Elisa's primary
problem is the restrictions on women, restrictions which exist in the assumptions
of men -- and in Elisa herself. The problem in the essay is reflected in
the incomplete outline.]
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I. Male/Female
--“It ain’t the right kind of life for a woman.” P. 65 |
7 |
--He plans the night for them. --Celebrating his accomplishment of selling the cattle. -- She can’t handle going to watch fights. |
5 | II. Appearance/Reality
--Doesn’t have the ability to work in the orchard. --Couldn’t sharpen scissors or fix pots because of the “lonely life”. B) In reality she is very eager to do any work. --The chrysanthemums aren’t enough.
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1 | Theme: Although some people are eager to do more & different things with their life, not everyone will suceed with this attempt. |
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I. Physical A) Described as a man B) 35 C) Face is lean and strong. P 56-57 |
2 | II. Lifestyle
--Wants to help with the orchard --The peddlers life looks appealing |
3 & 4 |
--She is sexual towards peddler.
2. “I could show you what a woman might do” P 65
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8 |
I. Yellow chrysanthemums, fields, leaves, = old maid. II. Chrysanthemums represent Elisa
III. Fence around the chrysanthemums symbolizes Elisa’s heart.
2. Husband is outside the fence. P.57 3. She invites the peddler in. P. 63 IV. The pot with the shoots in it, given to the peddler represents the new Elisa.
2. Found on the ground, destroyed. |
9 | Conclusion |
Possible
Points |
Student's
Grading |
Instructor's
Grading |
Description | Totals |
Audience (20) | 18 / 18 | |||
0 - 3 | 2 | 3 | The essay has a good introductory paragraph. | |
0 - 3 | 2 | 2 | The essay has a good concluding paragraph. | |
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4 | 3 | The essay goes beyond the obvious. [Misses the obvious significance of the male/female conflict?] | |
0-10 | 10 | 10 | The essay does not simply retell the story. | |
Thesis (20) | 17 / 17 | |||
0 - 5 | 5 | 5 | The thesis is clearly identifiable, somewhere near the beginning of the essay. | |
0 - 5 | 5 | 5 | The thesis enables an interpretation, not a retelling, of the story. | |
0 - 5 | 4 ? | 5 | The thesis reflects at least an average understanding of the concepts studied. | |
0 - 5 | 3 | 2 | The thesis reflects an above average understanding of the concepts studied and the story. | |
Organization (20) | 18 / 15 | |||
0 - 5 | 5 | 5 | The essay has at least four paragraphs. | |
0 - 5 | 4 | 3 | Topic sentences relate paragraphs to the thesis. [This is primarily the result of the thesis being too vague ("most people").] | |
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4 | 5 | Topic sentences cover paragraphs. | |
0 - 5 | 5 | 2 | Outline and paragraphs reflect subdivisions of major points. [The outline is not an acceptable outline.] | |
Details (20) | 18 / 18 | |||
5 | 5 | 5 | The essay includes some details. | |
0 - 5 | 4 | 4 | One concept (_characteriz._) is explained in good detail. [The weakness is in the underestimation of Eliza's frustration at the limitations placed on her sex.] | |
0 - 5 | 4 | 4 | A second concept (__conflicts__) is explained in good detail. [Is the Henry / Elisa conflict really a separate conflict, or is it a reflection of the male / female conflict?] | |
0 - 5 | 5 | 5 | A third concept (___symbols___) is explained in good detail. |
Possible
Points |
Student's
Grading |
Instructor's
Grading |
Description | Totals |
Style (20) | 20 / 19 | |||
0 - 3 | 3 | 3 | Words are used correctly and accurately. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 2 | There are no (few) errors in usage. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 2 | Pronouns are used correctly. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 2 | Verb forms and tenses are used correctly. | |
0 - 3 | 3 | 3 | All sentences are comprehensible. | |
0 - 2 | 2 | 1 | Sentence structure is mature and varied. [The weakness is primarily in topic sentences.See paragraph six for an example.] | |
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4 | 4 | Underlining, italics, and quotation marks are used correctly. | |
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2 | 2 | There are few or no sloppy errors. | |
Minus Style Penalty Points (May be regained by correcting errors) | -2 | |||
Basic Grade for the Essay (100) | 91 / 85 | |||
Penalty Points: - __________ Late -___________ Other | - | |||
Bonus Points (9 possible) | + | |||
0 - 3 | Brainstorming | |||
0 - 3 | Outlining | |||
0 - 3 | Revision | |||
Final Grade for the Essay | 91 / 85 | |||
Hostage Fifty:
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Student's Comments: (You can also use the back of either page.)
NOTE: Revising = RV. Remember: use only one code per entry. (See Instructions.)
I used a word-processor _____while drafting _____ while revising _____
to type my paper.
Date: | Code | Started | Stopped | Minutes | Comments |
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Read "Sweat," "Lappin & Lapinova," "The Story of an Hour," and "The Chrysanthemums" |
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Locating, copying and re-reading "The Chrysanthemums" [See previous entry.] |
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[No storming?] |
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[No drafting?] |
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[After the outlining??] |
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[Grrrr] |
G | 12:05 | 12:15 | 10 | ||
T | 9:00 | 11:00 | 120 |
Process | Minutes | % of Total |
Brainstorming |
55
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10
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Read/Research |
150
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26
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Outlining |
45
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8
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Tutoring Center |
0
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0
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Drafting |
60
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10
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Revising |
60
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10
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Editing |
0
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0
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Grading |
10
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2
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Typing |
195
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34
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Total |
575
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= 9.6 hours |