1     "Ah!  If only I could be young again!"  Most people often say this statement.  People wishing they could go back to their youth and make a change.  [Frag - 1] If one could become young again, would he/she really change?  Or is youth a state of mind?  In "Dr. Heidegger's Experiment", [,"] Nathaniel Hawthorne gives us an example of what can happen when one does become young again.  The theme of this story is that morals established in one's youth remain unchanged throughout one's life.

2      The narrator does not identify himself as a character, nor if his character is present during Dr. Heidegger's experiment.  [SS The narrator does not identify himself as a character or participant in the experiment.] Within the story, the narrator does mention that this [What is "this"?] might seem unbelievable and false.  He alludes [Diction] that the story may be a lesson in morality.  The effect of such a narrator allows the audience to decide if the story is true or a mere lesson. [A lesson cannot be true?]

3      Throughout the story, symbols of youth and age are present everywhere.  The rose, which Dr. Heidegger has kept for 50 years, symbolizes his love and commitment for Sylvia Ward.  It also symbolizes youth.  When Dr. Heidegger places the rose in the liquid of youth, it blooms just as the characters do when they drink the elixir of life.  However, the rose has a double meaning.  It also means death.  As the rose withers, so do the characters. [What else is the rose associated with?]

4      The experiment starts on a summer afternoon.  Symbolically, a summer afternoon means youth.  The characters become young during this time.  When the sun sets, they age.  The sunset symbolizes aging.

5      Throughout the story, we hear about this Fountain of Youth.  Also referred to as the elixir of life or the liquid of youth. [Frag -1] This Fountain of Youth is really a state of mind.  Like the saying goes, "you are as young as you think you are."  That is what this elixir of life is really about. [Explain by using evidence from the story.]

[Paragraphs 3, 4, and 5 should be combined into one.]

6      Looking at the characters, we see how the lesson unfolds. [Isn't the lesson's "unfolding" a question of plot rather than of characterization?]  Dr. Heidegger is characterized as a "strange old gentleman" and rheumatic.  He does not drink the liquid.  Instead, he merely watches his friends teach us the lesson.  Mr. Medbourne is said to have once been a prosperous merchant.  Now, he is a little better than a mendicant, which is a beggar.  When he drinks the liquid, he is transformed into the prosperous merchant he once was. [He is? Where does his prosperity come from?]

7      Colonel Killigrew is said to have seeked [sought] sinful pleasures during his youth.  Due to these sinful pleasures, he became diseased with gout.  [He is transformed to?] Mr. Gascoigne was once a great politician.  Over time, his knowledge of the present generation ruined him. [He is transformed to?] The Widow Wycherly is described as old and withered.  Her name even alludes to her looking like a witch. [Nice observation]  After drinking the liquid, she transforms [Diction] into the great beauty that she once was.  However, she is still vain and conceited as before.

8      When given the chance to become young again, the characters literally jump at the chance.  Once back to their youthful selves, the good doctor sees that their morals are still the same as before.  Mr. Medbourne is still greedy.  Colonel Killigrew still wants to seek the sinful pleasures he once had.  Mr. Gascoigne is still lying about politics.  The Widow Wycherly is still very vain and conceited.  All of them laugh at the doctor since he is still old.  They mock the sick, elderly, and disabled of which they had just been so themselves. [Awkward sentence structure] Their morals are still the same.  Being given a second chance to see the errors of their ways, the foursome are more concerned with becoming young again [so] that they do not realize the lesson the doctor is trying to teach them.

    This is an acceptable essay, but it remains too close to the obvious. Does, for example, the Dr. expect them to learn the lesson?

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