It is with a sad heart that I pass on the following:

     Please join me in remembering a truly great icon.  The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the tummy. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

     Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects including Mrs.. Butter worth, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, The California Raisins, The Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

     The graveside was piled with flours, as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy. She described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.  Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart cookie," wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. 

     Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.  

     Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for twenty minutes.