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Samples of Students' Writing from the 
2000-2001 Pennsylvania Writing Assessment Handbook Supplement

     We thank the Pennsylvania Department of Education for permission to use these samples. That permission does not reflect endorsement of the KISS Approach. 

The Samples of Students' Writing

     I want to thank Jessica Farmer, a member of the KISS list, for her assistance in transcribing these samples.
     The "U" column links to the unedited transcripts. The "E" column links to edited transcripts that can be used for analysis exercises. The "C" column links to the evaluation from the PA DoE.  The "AK" column links to the syntactic analysis keys. The "Used" column links to places on this site where these exercises are used.

An MS Word Collection of the Unedited Versions

# Pages Description U E C AK Used
3 Prompt # 1
4 Prompt # 2
  5
Focus
The single controlling point made with an awareness of task
about a specific topic and mode.
Scoring
4      Sharp distinct controlling point made about a single topic with evident
awareness of task
3      Apparent point made about a single topic with sufficient awareness of task
2      No apparent point but evidence of a specific topic
1      Minimal evidence of a topic
1 6-7 Sample for Prompt # 1: Focus - 4 U E C AK G9W
2 8-9 Sample for Prompt # 2: Focus - 4 U E C AK "
3 10-11 Sample for Prompt # 1: Focus - 3 U E C AK "
4 12-13 Sample for Prompt # 2: Focus - 3 U E C AK "
5 14 Sample for Prompt # 1: Focus - 2 U * E C AK "
6 15 Sample for Prompt # 2: Focus - 2 U E C AK "
7 16 Sample for Prompt # 1: Focus - 1 U E C AK "
8 17 Sample for Prompt # 2: Focus - 1 U E C AK "
  18
Content
The presence of ideas developed through facts, examples,
anecdotes, details, opinions, statistics, reasons and/or explanations.
Scoring
4      Substantial, specific and/or illustrative content demonstrating strong development and sophisticated ideas
3      Sufficiently developed content with adequate elaboration or explanation
2      Limited content with inadequate elaboration or explanation
1      Superficial and/or minimal content
9 19-20 Sample for Prompt # 1: Content - 4 U E C AK
10 21-22 Sample for Prompt # 2: Content - 4 U E C AK
11 23 Sample for Prompt # 1: Content - 3 U E C AK
12 24-25 Sample for Prompt # 2: Content - 3 U E C AK
13 26 Sample for Prompt # 1: Content - 2 U E C AK
14 27 Sample for Prompt # 2: Content - 2 U E C AK
15 28 Sample for Prompt # 1: Content - 1 U E C AK
16 29 Sample for Prompt # 2: Content - 1 U E C AK
  30
Organization
The order developed and sustained within and across
paragraphs using transitional devices and including an
introduction and conclusion.
Scoring
4      Sophisticated arrangement of content with evident and/or subtle transitions
3      Functional arrangement of content that sustains a logical order with some evidence of transitions
2      Confused or inconsistent arrangement of content with or without attempts at transition
1      Minimal control of content arrangement
17 31-32 Sample for Prompt # 1: Organization - 4 U E C AK
18 33-34 Sample for Prompt # 2: Organization - 4 U E C AK
19 35-36 Sample for Prompt # 1: Organization - 3 U E C AK
20 37 Sample for Prompt # 2: Organization - 3 U E C AK
21 38 Sample for Prompt # 1: Organization - 2 U E C AK
22 39 Sample for Prompt # 2: Organization - 2 U E C AK
23 40 Sample for Prompt # 1: Organization - 1 U E C AK
24 41 Sample for Prompt # 2: Organization - 1 U E C AK
  42
Style
The choice, use and arrangement of words and sentence
structures that create tone and voice
Scoring
4      Precise, illustrative use of a variety of words and sentence structures to create consistent writer's voice and tone appropriate to audience
3      Generic use of a variety of words and sentence structures that may or may not create writer's voice and tone appropriate to audience
2      Limited word choice and control of sentence structures that inhibit voice and tone
1      Minimal variety in word choice and minimal control of sentence structures
25 43-44 Sample for Prompt # 1: Style - 4 U E C AK
26 45-46 Sample for Prompt # 2: Style - 4 U E C AK
27 47 Sample for Prompt # 1: Style - 3 U E C AK
28 48-49 Sample for Prompt # 2: Style - 3 U E C AK
29 50 Sample for Prompt # 1: Style - 2 U E C AK
30 51 Sample for Prompt # 2: Style - 2 U E C AK
31 52 Sample for Prompt # 1: Style - 1 U E C AK
32 53 Sample for Prompt # 2: Style - 1 U E C AK
  54
Conventions
Grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation
Scoring
4      Evident control of grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation
3      Sufficient control of grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation
2      Limited control of grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation
1      Minimal control of grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation
33 55-56 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - 4 U E C AK
34 57 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - 4 U E C AK
35 58-59 Sample for Prompt # 1: Conventions - 3 U E C AK
36 60-61 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - 3 U E C AK
37 62 Sample for Prompt # 1: Conventions - 2 U E C AK
38 63 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - 2 U E C AK
39 64 Sample for Prompt # 1: Conventions - 1 U E C AK
40 65 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - 1 U E C AK
41 66 Sample for Prompt # 2: Conventions - N U E C AK

Construction-Oriented Exercises Based on These Samples

     For most of these exercises, you will not find enough examples in a single sample, so you will need to select (and/or adapt) from multiple samples
L1.3 Mixed Complements AK G9 L1.3
L1.5 Prep Phrases - Functions AK G9; 1YM L1.5
L1.5 Prep Phrases - Compound Objects AK G9 L1.5
L2.1.6 Distinguishing Finite Verbs from Verbals AK G9 L2.1.6
L3.1.2 Mixed Subordinate Clauses (All from Sample # 1) AK G9 L3.1.2
L3.1.2 Mixed Subordinate Clauses (#2) AK G9 L3.1.2
L3.1.2 Adverbial Subordinate Clauses AK G9 L3.1.2
L3.1.2 Adjectival Subordinate Clauses AK G9 L3.1.2
L3.1.3 Embedded Subordinate Clauses AK G9 L3.1.3
AK
AK
AK